


Always (Kuroro Lucifer)

by TheRainRogue



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Anime, Dark, Friendship, Other, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24323017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainRogue/pseuds/TheRainRogue
Summary: You’re not sure how it happened, but he had stolen more than just your heart. Before you knew what was happening, he had trapped you within his web, unable to escape. You face the reality of your decisions and soon come to learn that things aren’t always as they seem to be. In this series, the reader comes face to face with a relationship full of love, hate, and lies.
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56
Collections: Anime





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Always is a series I started back on Quizilla featuring Kuroro Lucifer from Hunter x Hunter. It was a challenge based around the poem “10 Things I Hate About You” and, given the context of this series, I decided to use the song “Always” by Saliva to represent it.

  * **Genre** : Angst, Dark ☁
  * **Word Count** : 737 ☁
  * **Pairing** : Reader x Kuroro Lucifer ☁
  * **World** : Anime, Hunter x Hunter ☁



_This series contains dark themes and explores a mentally abusive relationship._

* * *

You were a hunter, a Nen user of the Materialization group.

You were a stubborn and strong fighter who followed your own path; your own gut.

You were close friends with Gon, Kurapica, Killua, and Leorio. All of you had been together since you first met on Whale Island (aside from Killua, whom you met later on). You had gone through all of the hunter exams together, fighting side by side to survive.

You were the kind of person who remained loyal only to your friends; they were the most important thing in the world to you, even more so than your own life, and you would never do anything to hurt or betray them.

That’s what you always believed. At least until you met _him_.

That one man managed to completely flip your world, send your heart into turmoil and your mind into a raging battlefield.

When you first met him, you didn’t even know who he was. He was just some guy you had accidentally bumped into at the bookstore. Of course, you would have just walked away after apologizing, but he wasn’t having that. He engaged you in a conversation about the book you were buying before you even had a chance to move past him.

Oh, if only you had known who he was. If only you had known that it was planned by the mysterious man. But how could you? There was no way you could have known. For some reason, your senses just hadn’t been working at that point in time and didn’t warn you.

Maybe it was fate or destiny.

Maybe it was Karma kicking you in the ass.

Or perhaps it was just lady luck having fun at your expense.

You didn’t know, but you thought it was too cruel.

You remembered clearly how much you hated yourself when you found out that he was the boss of the Genei Ryodan. You remembered the betrayal and anger in your friends’ eyes when they learned that you were dating Kuroro Lucifer. The only one who didn’t glare at you was Gon; he was crying and staring at you with hurt and betrayal lining his brown orbs.

And Kurapica… the way he glared at you with a look full of rage… you could just feel the murderous intent pouring off of him.

He wanted you dead.

He wanted to kill you.

You only had one source of comfort and that was from the man who had ruined your life.

The man who made your world crumble with a simple smile.

Even then, he offered little comfort to your aching heart.

You were too often alone in those hotel rooms.

The Silence.

The Sorrow.

The Loneliness.

It all beat down on you day after day, wearing down your body and mind, heart and soul.

The other members of Ryodan didn’t like you nor did they accept you. You were a hunter, after all, and ex-friends with the chain-user who had killed one of their own. Because of that, Kuroro never brought you around them.

Since he was always in their presence, that meant that he rarely spent time with you.

The spider was more important.

It always had been and it always would be.

You hated him for what he had done to you, but you couldn’t leave. You were tied to him by that damned red string called fate.

He was all you had left.

There were times when you’d go months without seeing him, and in that time, your heart stopped aching painfully and your mind would ease, headache finally disappearing. But then he’d appear out of nowhere and mess everything up again.

You often found yourself believing that he did it on purpose.

Let the prey feel relaxed and calm as if it has nothing to worry about, and then strike, ripping its world apart and tearing it limb from bloody limb.

As much as you hated to admit it, you were the vulnerable lone deer.

Kuroro was the mighty and powerful lion.

Cornered and alone, there was no escape.

Even if you wanted to leave, you wouldn’t make it very far. He knew that and used it to his full advantage.

You belonged to him and him alone.

Destroying your world was how he managed to grab a hold of you.

Sending your world into a never-ending spiral of turmoil was how he was going to keep you.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

_“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.”_

You stood out on the balcony of your hotel room, the cold wind rustling your hair as your dull eyes scanned over the beautiful view of the city below. You were on one of the top floors of the hotel but the lights of the nearby buildings still shined as bright as stars against the black velvet sky. Your ears could just faintly pick up the sound of the traffic down below.

The hotel door opened and closed behind you, but you were too wrapped up in the serene view to notice. Only when hands rested on your shoulders did you realize you weren’t alone. You could smell the faint scent of his cologne and feel the aura that could only belong to Kuroro Lucifer.

“You shouldn’t be standing out here without a coat. You’re going to catch a cold.” He spoke softly, his hands rubbing your bare arms, cold to the touch.

You glanced at him before quickly looking away. “I don’t get sick easily.”

He shook his head, grip tightening as he forced you back into the room, closing the glass doors behind him. “I won’t let you take that chance. You’re not to go outside without a jacket.”

You sat on the side of the bed and scowled, eyes narrowed at the older male. Your voice dripped with sarcasm as you spoke, “Forgive me, _mother_ , I won’t do it again.”

Kuroro’s gaze hardened, his tone strict. “Don’t be a smartass. I meant what I said, Y/N.”

“Che. Like it matters.” You folded your arms and closed your eyes. “You aren’t around more than a couple days. You know damn well I’m gonna go out after you leave just to spite you because you told me not to.”

He moved forward gracefully, grabbing your chin. Your eyes snapped open, locking with his dark ones. “You won’t defy me.”

“What makes you so sure?”

You could hear your own voice crack and it made you feel like a helpless child. That’s all you were in his eyes; a child for him to control. You always found yourself wondering why he chose someone nine years younger. Why not someone his own age? The question plagued your mind more often than not, but you never voiced it. He wouldn’t answer you, anyway. You could only assume that you were easier to control than someone his own age.

Kuroro leaned closer, his voice low and soft as if he truly was talking to a scared little child. “Because I’m all you have. Without me you have nothing and you would never do anything if it carried the risk of losing me.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.” You snapped, narrowing your eyes in anger.

“Then stop acting like one.” He responded in a dangerously low tone, letting go of your chin and heading towards the bathroom. The shower was turned on a few minutes later.

You could only glare angrily at the carpeted floor.

Where did he get off, treating you like that?

You fell back onto the bed with an exasperated sigh, staring up at the white ceiling. You couldn’t deny the fact that what he had said was indeed true and that fact angered you more than anything. You had never been a helpless or vulnerable person and you never used to bite your tongue, either. If you had something to say, they can bet your ass you would have said it to their face without a problem.

But things were different with him. You’d always bite your tongue and keep your colorful words to yourself.

It was painful to admit, but you were afraid that you’d piss him off and lose him forever. Where would you be, then?

The shower shut off and a few minutes of silence passed before Kuroro exited the bathroom with nothing but a short towel tied around his waist. You ignored him, still staring at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing you had ever laid your eyes upon.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him set a black bag on the end of the bed before unzipping it. The suit he took out only meant that he was about to leave for another job. Whenever he would go undercover, he always felt the need to wear the same dark blue suit, as if it were his uniform.

 _‘I guess in a way it is’_ , you mused.

Kuroro returned to the bathroom, this time leaving the door open. You watched him curiously, head leaned back at an almost uncomfortable angle. Even though the view was upside down, you could see what he was doing clearly.

He grabbed the pair of scissors from the side of the sink and began to cut his hair. It was about an inch he removed, maybe even less than that, but you could still see the difference. He looked fine, so why the hell did he need to cut his hair?

Kuroro once again returned to the bed, dropping his towel and getting dressed. By that point, you started ignoring him again, mind wrapped around the non-existent reason for his hair cutting.

“Y/N,” his voice had returned to normal, calm gaze watching you closely. He knew that you had drifted off into your own world. It was something you did often to cope and he had gotten used to it by now.

Only when he moved to stand in front of you, his legs brushing against your own, did you snap out of it. Your expression wasn’t exactly friendly, but most of your anger had fizzled out by now.

You didn’t need to question him about what he wanted, seeing his outstretched hand that held a long and thin white bandage. It wasn’t that he couldn’t put it on himself (he had done it many times), it was the fact that he wanted to annoy you by having you do it for him.

You rolled your eyes and got off the bed, watching as Kuroro took your place. After handing the bandage over to you, he rested his elbows on his knees, his fingers intertwining with each other.

Putting one of your knees between his legs, you leaned closer and slipped the bandage underneath his damp bangs, lying it flat over his forehead before tying it at the back. While you did this, the black haired male sat in content with his eyes closed. It was the only moment of peace his day offered him.

Annoying you was not the real reason he made you wrap the bandage every time, believe it or not. Of course, the real reason was something he planned to take to his grave.

“There,” you muttered, backing away so he could stand.

“I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up.” He didn’t spare you a glance as he exited the room.

“If I did, I’d never get any damn sleep.”

You scoffed, grabbing his bag and throwing it into the white chair that sat beside the balcony doors. Something inside caught your attention and you reached in, pulling out a hardcover book. It was one of many from his vast collection, which you still could not figure out where he kept.

You bounced back onto the bed, your back against the headboard. Flipping the book open, you began to read the contents, hoping that the printed words would reach out and grab you, taking you far away from Kuroro.

* * *

It was about three in the morning when Kuroro returned to the hotel room. He wasn’t surprised to see the lights still on. You were a stubborn one and odds were that you would do the complete opposite of whatever he had told you to do. You hated to be bossed around and be told what to do. Most people would believe it was because you were just being a rebellious teenager, but he knew better than anyone that it was not the reason.

Kuroro’s eyes softened when they landed on you.

You were on your back, arm sprawled out and curled towards the pillow. Your left hand was resting on the back of the large book that lay open on your stomach. You had obviously fallen asleep reading it, but considering you had gotten more than halfway through, he was curious as to when exactly you had drifted off.

Kuroro took the book and set it on the nightstand before sitting on the side of the bed. At first, he just watched you sleep, but then he reached out and brushed a few strands of hair out of your face.

You whispered his name in your sleep and he found himself smiling despite himself.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

_“I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.”_

You sat at the head of the bed, arms crossed and legs folded, glaring at the bright pink dress that lay at the end of the bed with animosity, willing it to burn to a crisp until there was nothing left.

“Stop glaring at it and put it on.” Kuroro walked out of the bathroom, fixing his tie as he did so.

“No. Way. In. Hell.” You spat, glare intensifying. “You’ll have to kill me before I’d… no. I wouldn’t wear that thing even if I **was** dead!”

“I told you to stop saying such things.” He scolded, his full attention now on you. “If you don’t wear the dress, I’ll go out alone.”

“Like I care,” You scoffed, leaning back against the headboard. “I hate those damn fancy restaurants, anyway. Would it kill you to go to a cafe for once?”

A small sigh passed his lips, eyes sliding closed in exasperation. He knew this was one battle he could not win. “Let’s go,”

You grinned in triumph, sliding off the bed and slipping your sneakers on. Instead of tieing your shoes like normal people did, you tucked the laces into the side. This was yet another thing that Kuroro did not understand about you. You really didn’t have a reason to do so, you just did it to do it.

You were grinning widely as you walked past the suit wearing male and out the door. Kuroro shook his head lightly, bangs shifting in front of his face, and followed behind you. When you stepped through the glass lobby doors, Kuroro held his hand out in front of you.

You blinked a few times before scowling and shaking your head. “No. No, no, no, **no**.”

He looked at you blankly, his expression remaining devoid of any emotion.

Your eye twitched and you stared at the ground. You could still feel his eyes on you and it made you shift uncomfortably. You may have won the dress battle, but he intended to win this one.

“Would you prefer walking to the restaurant?”

“I’d prefer a cab or bus. Hell, yes, let’s walk!” You started towards the direction of the restaurant but he grabbed your shoulder, preventing you from moving.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft but demanding. You knew that he would not move from that spot, or let you leave until he got his way.

You sighed in defeat, the corners of your lips pulling down into a frown. “Fine, You win.” You reached into the pocket of your hoodie and pulled out your keys, reluctantly dropping them into his hand.

Without a word, Kuroro walked to the back of the building and approached your precious car. You stood by the passenger door, staring at the shiny black vehicle with worry. Normally, you never let anyone even **touch** your car. Letting someone drive it was a completely different story. You would have kicked the ass of anyone who let the thought even cross their mind. But you couldn’t have your way in that respect when it came to Kuroro.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled the handle and opened the door, sitting on the leather seat before pulling it closed. You watched him closely as he put the key in the ignition and started the car.

“Put on your seatbelt. We’re going to be late for our reservation.” Kuroro took off, speeding down the busy streets like a bat out of hell. Now, you often drove like that, too, but it was your car. You didn’t trust anyone to drive, must less speed, in **your** car.

“Kuroro… I swear to **god** , if you get one scratch on my car, I’ll throw you off the freakin’ balcony!” You hissed, eyes narrowed at the stoic male.

“Hmm,” he hummed, completely unfazed by the threat.

As he stopped in front of the restaurant, you refused to leave the car unless he parked it down the street; there was no way you were gonna trust some valet with your car. Knowing you wouldn’t budge, he silently agreed and parked the car a few blocks down.

As soon as you stepped out, you began to check every inch of the car before sighing in relief and patting the hood lightly. “You live to see another day.”

Kuroro watched you from the sidewalk, his expression blank. This was another thing he didn’t understand about you. How could you love a car so much?

You didn’t look at him as you passed but you could feel his eyes on your back. It made you uncomfortable but you did your best to ignore it. Your discomfort only grew when they entered the restaurant.

It was extremely fancy. Everyone was dressed up like they were about to meet the King and Queen. There was soft music playing, a mix between a violin and a piano. Royal red carpet covered the floor, looking almost black in the dim lighting that came from various crystal chandeliers, as well as the candles that sat on every table. It was quiet, the people whispering quietly amongst themselves as if they had some valuable secret to hide.

The man that stood behind the podium inside the red velvet rope was dressed like a butler, a towel draped over his left arm. His pointed, bird-like nose was in the air like he was something special.

When he noticed you, his lips pulled back into a sneer, his beady eyes narrowing in disgust. His voice was nasal and drawn out, and the tone he used showed his strong dislike. “How, may I help you?”

You felt your fists clenching as you bit your tongue hard to force back the very colorful words that threatened to flow out like a raging waterfall. You probably would have exploded if Kuroro hadn’t grabbed a hold of your shoulders, sending a wave of calm through your body with his nen. It only helped a small amount, but it was enough to stop you from lashing out, at least.

“We have reservations under the name Kai Kensington.” Kuroro’s tone was kind as if he wasn’t at all bothered by the snooty man, but the tight, almost possessive grip he held on you was questionable. If your mind hadn’t been pre-occupied, you probably would have asked him about it.

The man looked doubtful but checked the list none the less. His finger stopped and he sneered again. “Ahh, Mister Kensington. My _sincerest_ apologies.” He undid the rope and turned to walk off. “Please, follow me. I’ll show you and your… _friend_ to your table.”

You scowled at his back, wanting nothing more than to slam his head against the brick wall. “Sincere, my ass.” You muttered under your breath.

“You should be lucky they even let you in here dressed like that,” Kuroro whispered into your ear as he followed close behind.

You glanced at him over your shoulder. “I look fine. I’m dressed normally.”

“This place does not call for normal, Y/N. It calls for dressing in formal clothing. Normally, they won’t let anyone inside unless they are dressed up.”

“It’s your fault!” You hissed, quietly. “I didn’t want to come here in the first place!”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can’t you do anything I ask without arguing?”

You tapped your chin in false thought before shrugging. “Nope,”

“Sir. Madam.” The old man bowed, his right arm outstretched towards their booth. He sent you a sharp look before turning around to leave.

You flicked him off before taking your seat across from Kuroro. “What up with the name, anyway?”

“It was something different.”

“Hmm,” you leaned your elbow on the table, cheek resting snugly against your palm. Your eyes scanned over the menu with mild interest. Why did these fancy restaurants not serve good food? Or did you just have to be classy and rich to like them?

“Don’t be picky.” He scolded lightly as if reading her mind.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Are you ready to order?” The waitress was tall and thin, wearing black heels and a mini strapless black dress that clung to her figure, showing off her curves. Her dark brown hair flowed down her back like silk and her brown eyes watched Kuroro closely. She resembled a cat watching a bird fluttering around in its cage.

You rolled your eyes and tossed your menu to the front of the table. “Order me whatever. I don’t care.”

The woman gave her a look showing her disgust and you scoffed, closing your eyes so you didn’t have to see her anymore.

After writing down whatever Kuroro had ordered, she walked away, shaking her hips more than necessary.

Kuroro chuckled lightly, leaning forward with both elbows on the table and his chin on top of his folded hands.

“What?” You questioned, feeling uncomfortable with his penetrating gaze watching you. His eyes followed every movement you made without fail. “Will you stop?” You growled, looking away from him, light red tinting your cheeks. You hoped it was concealed by the flickering candlelight, but that seemed like too much to hope for. Why did he have to be so aggravating? “Why do you always stare at me like that?”

The waitress re-appeared, setting the food down and sending a flirtatious smile his way.

You scowled. Did that bitch really have to interrupt before you could get an answer? Then again, you doubted that he would have given you an answer, anyway.

Even though the woman tried extremely hard to get his attention – leaning over farther than she had to in order to show off her cleavage, sending him flirty smiles with lust filled eyes as she batted her eyelashes – Kuroro didn’t look at her once, not even a glance. His eyes were still trained on you.

You were glaring at her, but when you glanced at him, you couldn’t look away from his gaze. It wasn’t long before the woman became just a memory. Kuroro demanded your complete attention, and he got it.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

_“I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.”_

Your eyes fluttered open and your ears registered the sound of someone shuffling around the room. You could hear clothes being folded and placed into a bag before hearing it being zipped. The hotel door opened and closed almost silently.

You rolled over onto your back, staring up at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. You could hear the sound of Kuroro’s boots as he walked down the hall to the elevator. The sound echoed in your brain, taunting you and whispering in your ear.

“ _He’s walking away from you,_ ” it laughed evilly, it’s voice low and gruff. “ _He won’t come back this time. He’s gone for good._ ”

You grabbed the pillow from underneath your body and slammed it over your head, eyes shut tight. You had difficulty breathing but you didn’t care; you had to get rid of the sound but it just kept echoing through the empty room. Every step made your heart clench and your head throb.

You groaned loudly, jumping out of the bed and hurriedly getting dressed. You had to get out of that hotel room.

Away from the silence and his lingering scent.

You had to get away.

Before running out the door, you headed over to the wall opposite the bed where a large painting of a waterfall lay. You picked it up off the hook and set it on the floor. Taped to the back of it was a brand new pack of cigarettes. You ripped it off before putting the picture back up.

The staff that worked at the front desk stared at you weirdly as you walked through the lobby; you weren’t sure if it was because you were going out during winter in a tank top or because you rushed past them as if you were trying to escape the grim reaper himself.

You didn’t really care, mind focused only on getting away from the hotel.

It took about thirty minutes for you to reach the deserted park and by the time you did, you were panting heavily. Your body fell onto the stone-cold metal bench, hastily pulling a cigarette out of the pack and putting it between your lips. You flicked the lighter before inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly.

Just one drag and your nerves were beginning to calm. It was a long and slow process involving several hours and many cigarettes, but finally, your nerves were completely calm and at ease. Your mind had completely forgotten about Kuroro, his uncaring nature, and his stupid games.

At that moment, he wasn’t even the last thing on your mind. You were content, if only for that moment.

By the time you decided to head back, it was already about five-thirty in the afternoon.

You stopped off to get a drink before finally returning to the hotel. Your eyes stared into the pack of cigarettes as you rode in the elevator and you scowled, having only three left in the pack.

“It was a new pack, too. Damn it, I’ll have to take another job to get some money.” You muttered to yourself, taking a swig of your drink before unlocking the door and stepping inside.

Kuroro had plenty of money to spare, but you refused to ask him for any. Why would he give up his money for you, a toy that he plays with from time to time? Besides, you’d have to tell him what you wanted the money for and that wasn’t gonna happen.

You glanced up once you were in the room and immediately froze, a sense of dread washing over you.

Sitting in the white chair by the balcony was Kuroro and he did not look happy. His elbows were on his knees, folded hands covering his mouth which sat in a straight line. His expression was somber, eyes closed.

 _‘Maybe if I back up really slow, he won’t notice me’_ , you thought. Slowly, you began to inch backward but froze again when his eyes opened, narrowed and glaring at you with something close to hatred.

“Where have you been, Y/N?” His cold tone made you flinch. “You’ve been gone for over five hours.” His eyes moved down to your bare arms which had turned pale due to the cold. “I believe I told you not to leave this room without a jacket.”

Your fear quickly morphed into anger and you let out a growl, fists clenched at your side. You moved farther into the room, throwing your keycard on the bed and kicking your shoes off. You were well aware of his dark eyes following your every move but you ignored it, pretending that he wasn’t even there.

Kuroro had no right to question her.

He leaves without a word and stays gone for months at a time, without a single call. Hell, even a text would be sufficient! You never once questioned him, so what gives him the right to do so to you? You didn’t have to answer his questions. It was none of his damn business where you’ve been.

Before you could enter the bathroom, he grabbed your arm tightly and pushed you against the wall, trapping you there with his body. His hands gripped your wrists tightly, keeping them flush against the wall to prevent you from moving. You repressed a shiver when he leaned in to whisper in your ear, his voice low and menacing.

“Everything you do is **my** business. You’re not allowed to do anything without my knowledge and approval. Now, **_where have you been_**?”

You turned your head to the side, refusing to look at him. You weren’t a criminal! You hadn’t done anything to deserve the chains Kuroro had put around you and you didn’t deserve to be treated like a slave or a dog and, even if it killed you, you would **not swallow** your pride and bow down to him like a mindless doll.

He sighed deeply, his warm breath fanning over your still chilled skin. Kuroro closed his eyes, his grip loosening only slightly. “I won’t kill you, no matter what stupid or foolish thing you do.”

Your eye twitched in annoyance but you said nothing.

“Why were you gone so long and without a jacket, hmm?” His left hand released your wrist and snaked around, slipping stealthily into the back pocket of your jeans. Your eyes widened and you finally looked at him, eyes locking with his own.

_‘How did he…?’_

“I’ve always known,” He answered softly, his fingers tapping the top of the box. “No matter what you did, the smell of cigarette smoke still lingered. I don’t approve of you smoking, you know that.”

You pushed him away, stopping in front of the bathroom door. A shadow formed over your eyes as you hung your head. “What’s it matter, Kuroro? One day you’ll tire of me and move on. What’s it matter if I shorten my own life? It will end soon, anyway. Whether by your hand, the Ryodan’s hand, or by Kurapica’s hand. It’ll happen eventually, it’s only a matter of time.”

You then locked yourself in the backroom, stripping your clothes off and stepping into the shower. Your eyes stared blankly at the tile wall as the cold water cascaded down your numb body. It did well to hide the tears that fell from your eyes.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

_“I hate you so much it makes me sick – it even makes me rhyme.”_

Since your and Kuroro’s face-off, things have been extremely tense between the two of you. You had spent several hours in that cold shower before you calmed down enough to be near the object of your self-destruction. Your body had been cold, mind numb and fingers shriveled like prunes. It didn’t matter, though. You simply threw on a pair of underwear and a t-shirt before climbing into bed, the covers pulled over your entire body.

Since then, you hadn’t said a single word to him. You hadn’t looked at him, glanced at him or even acknowledged his presence. As far as you were concerned, he was simply a fragment of your twisted imagination.

He had made several attempts to talk to you, but you just ignored him.

It had been one full week now. A week without a word from you. A week without you leaving the hotel room. A week without you eating.

Enough was enough.

Kuroro closed his book, setting it on the round table beside his chair. He stood, walking over to stand in front of you hunched over form that sat on the side of the bed, staring blankly at the white carpet beneath your feet.

“Y/N,” his deep voice penetrated your mind but you ignored it. It was obvious that Kuroro had had enough of being ignored. He was sick of the way you had been acting. “Look at me, Y/N.”

You looked to the side, standing up and attempting to walk away but Kuroro grabbed your arm roughly, stopping you in your tracks. “Let go of me!” you yelled angrily, voice hoarse from the lack of use. You tried to yank your arm free, but he just tightened his grip. He was already stronger than you, but with you going a whole week without any nourishment made you even weaker against him. Your mental state wasn’t exactly in the best shape, either.

Kuroro narrowed his eyes in annoyance, his voice cold and cruel. “Stop acting like a spoiled brat. I’m tired of your pouting.”

You growled again, feeling your heart heavy as if it were made out of lead. Tears of anger began to build in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “Fuck you!” you spat, attempting once again to rip your arm free.

His grip tightened even more and you winced. “Is that any way to talk to the one person who is willing to put up with your bullshit? Do you honestly believe there is another person in this world willing to put up with you? Why do you think your friends abandoned you? I was just the excuse they used.” His voice was as cold as ice and each word penetrated your heart like a million tiny needles.

Your eyes widened, tears now flowing freely down your cheeks. His words had hit home, bringing with it a torrent of raging emotions. You felt the heavy weight of sorrow, pain, anger and hatred bearing down upon you; it was too much to bear. Your blurry eyes lowered and your hands balled into such tight fists that your nails cut into the skin of your palms. Blood drizzled from the wounds, dropping from your clenched fingers and onto the white carpet below, staining it maroon.

“I hate you…” you whispered softly before raising your voice. “I fucking _hate_ you!” You mustered up all of your strength and hit him hard in the chest. He stepped back with wide eyes, releasing your arm in the process. As soon as you were free, you bolted out of the room.

Kuroro stood still, shocked at the way you had acted. Since the day the two of you met, you had never attacked him or said you hated him. No matter what he did or said, you had never once hit him, not even in a playful manner, and even though you often acted hateful towards him, you never once said you hated him.

He collapsed on the bed, elbows on his knees. His dark eyes stared at the small puddle of blood on the carpet. In all the time he’s known you, he had never actually hurt you physically. Sure, he dealt his fair share of mental damage, but he had never once made you draw blood like he just had.

It unnerved him and he didn’t understand why.

* * *

You collapsed in an empty alleyway after hours of running away, breathing heavily with your head pounding. You had fallen face-first on the pavement, arms at your side. The blood from your palms had hardened quicker due to the freezing cold temperatures, staining your skin dark red. Blood was smeared on your arms where you had hugged yourself in a futile attempt to keep warm. Your body temperature had lowered a great deal because you were wearing nothing but shorts and a tank top.

Your breath came out in uneven puffs of air. The ground beneath you was as cold as ice, making goosebumps erupt on your exposed skin. Your eyes were half open and glazed. Your tears had stopped but the dried streaks on your cheeks were still visible under the moonlight.

 _‘Was it all apart of your plan, Kuroro?’_ , you chuckled bitterly as your eyes slid closed. You weren’t fully unconscious, floating on the border between. You could faintly hear footsteps approaching you and then the feeling of being lifted up.

Darkness took over your mind.

* * *

You groaned, slowly opening your eyes and putting a hand to your aching head. It took a few minutes for your eyes to regain their normal focus. You attempted to sit up, but a pair of warm hands gently pushed you back down.

“You shouldn’t move too much until you regain your strength.” The voice was soft and caring, and so very familiar, but with your head spinning, there was no way you could place it with a face.

“W-Where am I? What happened?” your voice was hoarse and your throat burned from the effort it took to speak. It felt as if you had traveled through the desert for months without any water.

“First things first, you should try and drink some water. You’ve been out for almost three days now.”

You slowly sat up with the help of the mysterious male, feeling a little less dizzy than when you first woke up. You took the glass from his hand and downed the whole thing before sighing in relief, leaning back against the headboard of the bed you were laying on.

Your gaze shifted to the male who sat in a chair by the bed and your eyes widened in disbelief, your heart clenching painfully as your grip on the glass loosened. You reached out a shaking hand to touch his cheek but drew back before you made contact. Your bandaged hands clenched around the sheets, head hanging low with a shadow over your eyes. You bit your lip hard, a small string of blood running from the corner of your mouth.

“Calm down.” He uttered softly, wiping away the blood with a tissue before placing his hand over yours. It was warm and comforting.

“Why?” you whispered.

“Hm?” The male blinked in confusion, cocking his head to the side.

“Why haven’t you killed me?” you cried, hot tears streaming down your flushed cheeks.

“Shh,” he pulled you into a hug, rubbing your hair to calm you down. You clung to him, clutching his clothes tightly between your fingers.

“I deserve it! I deserve to die by your hand!”

“Stop that.” He pushed you back so he could look at you, holding you at arm’s length. He looked into your pained eyes, his voice soft but demanding. “You don’t deserve to die, by my hand or anyone else’s, and I refuse to do so.”

“Kurapica…”

He smiled, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “No more tears. You want to know how you got here, right?”

You nodded, wiping your eyes with your hands and sniffling. He sat back in the chair and began to tell the tale of how you arrived in his hotel room.

“Hisoka was actually the one to find you. He knew we were in the city and brought you to us. He said he found you passed out in an alleyway, but you can imagine we were wary of his story. Leorio looked you over and bandaged your hands. He said you’d be fine, you just needed to get warm and get some rest.” He paused, biting his lip as if reluctant to continue. “I have a few questions. What were you doing out in the cold dressed like that? Why were your hands bleeding? And where did that bruise on your arm come from?”

Your hand flew to your left arm where Kuroro had grabbed you; it was purple and slightly sore to the touch, but otherwise okay. You took a deep breath and proceeded to explain what had happened before you landed in the alleyway. You were hesitant to explain, but you needed to get it off of your chest.

Kurapika didn’t look too surprised by your story, nor did he look happy.

* * *

Three days.

That’s how much time had passed since you stormed out of the hotel. You never came back so Kuroro went out looking for you, the image of the way you were dressed etched into his mind. Being in the state you were in, you probably wouldn’t have fought if someone tried doing something to you. He looked everywhere with no luck.

He had followed your nen trail, weak as it was, to an alleyway some thirty blocks away from the hotel. As he continued his search, he found himself in the park nearby where you usually went to think things over. He sure as hell did not expect to find Hisoka there, leaning against one of the light posts.

Hisoka chuckled when Kuroro approached. “Looking for something you’ve lost~?”

“Where is Y/N? Their scent is all over you.”

He chuckled, pulling out the ace of spades from thin air and holding it to his lips. “Who knows~”

Kuroro took a threatening step forward, his voice cruel and demanding, “ **Where is Y/N**?”

“I returned them,”

“What?” his eyes narrowed.

“I took Y/N back to the chain-user and his friends. So~ they are either dead or has rejoined them. Either way, you’ve lost them~” Hisoka laughed psychotically before disappearing into thin air.

He had to have been lying… there’s no way they would have taken you back, he made sure of that. Did that mean they killed you? Kuroro stared hatefully at the ground. He **would** find you and then he’d punish you for running away from him.

After that, he’d kill both Hisoka and that chain-using bastard for interfering in his relationship.

* * *

You sat back on the bed chatting happily with Kurapica; you had a lot of catching up to do. You mostly talked about what Kurapica and his friends had been up to since you tried your hardest to avoid the subject of Kuroro. You had told him everything, but you didn’t want to speak about him anymore. You just wanted to talk to your best friend, like you always used to do. Of course, Kurapica was too curious for that.

“Can I ask you something?” Kurapica questioned softly. You nodded and he continued. “With the way that Kuroro treats you… why have you stayed with him?”

“I had no one else.” you murmured softly, bowing your head.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I just…” he held his head down in shame. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You smiled, grabbing his hand. “Don’t worry about it. It was a natural reaction, given the circumstances. I don’t blame you at all. Hell, I probably would have reacted the same way.” you shook your head. “It’s all in the past, anyway.”

“Things are different now. We’ve forgiven each other, right? There’s no need to go back to him. You can stay with me, with us!”

You shook your head, a bitter smile on your lips. “As good as that sounds… I can’t. I’m sorry, Kurapika.”

“What are you worried about? If you’re with me, he can’t hurt you or control you. I’ve defeated him once, I can do it again!”

“It’s not that…”

His brow furrowed in confusion before he gasped in surprise when he finally understood, leaning back in his chair with wide eyes. “Don’t tell me… you’re in _love_ with him?”

“Yeah. I fell in love with the bastard. I’m sick of this love, but I can’t get rid of it. It’s here to stay.” you muttered, moving your gaze to the ceiling. “ _This love can hurt, like I’m buried beneath the dirt. But I can’t walk away, I can’t stray from this rainy day_.”

Before Kurapica could comment, the door was swung open roughly. Following that was Leorio’s shouts of _“We’re back!”_

Leorio was carrying one bag of food in his right hand, while Gon and Killua were carrying several, along with drinks. When they noticed you sitting up in bed with a defeated look on your face and Kurapica in the chair next to you with a shocked expression, the three froze, looking both cautious and curious as they looked between the two of you. Time seemed to stop as they stared at you, each feeling a different emotion swelling in their chest.

You refused to look at them, feeling as if you didn’t deserve to. Kurapika may have forgiven you, but that didn’t mean the others would, as well.

Gon was the first to step forward and break the silence, setting the bags of food and the drinks on the rectangular table that sat in front of the lime green couch. He stepped to the side of the bed, watching you closely. He didn’t seem angry, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t.

“How are you feeling?” Gon’s voice was hard but somehow soft at the same time. He seemed almost reluctant, cautious.

Still, you did not look at him. You felt guilty enough as was and if you looked at him, you’d probably break down again. “I-I’m fine,”

Gon didn’t like how small your voice was. He was used to the strong and loud Y/N who said what you wanted without caring about what others thought or felt. He reached out, setting his warm hand over your own bandaged one. Your body tensed but you didn’t pull away. Instead, you gripped his hand tightly in your own as if you were afraid to let him go again.

“We were really worried about you.”

“I’m sorry, Gon.” you finally looked at him, eyes shining with remorse and pain. “I’m so sorry.”

He smiled, feeling tears come to his eyes. “We’ve already forgiven you, ne?”

Leorio and Killua nodded in agreement and smiled. You finally had your friends back. You weren’t alone anymore and, for the first time in a long time, you felt like the heavy burden of life had been lifted from your shoulders.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

_“I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie.”_

“Well, I should get going,” you announced, standing up from the couch with a sad smile. “It was amazing seeing you all again. It made me really happy.”

“Then why don’t you stay?” Killua accused, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Clearly, you’re not happy with _him_.”

“Killua!” Gon scolded lightly, grabbing onto the white-haired boy’s arm.

You chuckled, ruffling his snowy locks. “It’s hard to explain. You wouldn’t be able to understand, kiddo.”

He scowled at that but said nothing. He simply looked away with a small tinge of pink dusting his pale cheeks.

“I’ll walk down with you.” Kurapica smiled, standing up from his chair. After hugging the three and bidding farewell, the two of you left the room and stepped onto the elevator. It was silent between you until you reached the lobby doors. “Here,” Kurapica pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, holding it out to you. “All of our numbers. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk.”

“I will. Thank you, for everything.” you sent him a reassuring smile and left the hotel. It was late in the afternoon, you noticed, the sun barely peeking over the horizon. The sky was alight with purples and oranges and it was still fairly cold outside, so much so that you could see your breath.

The walk back to the hotel was silent.

You didn’t hear the sound of the car horns or the yells of the angry drivers.

You didn’t hear the excited chatter of the people who passed you, happy about the quickly arriving holidays.

You didn’t even hear your own footsteps.

You were thinking about Kuroro.

He was right, he was _always_ right. He was always telling you how you would never be able to leave him. It hadn’t even been a week and you felt so empty, like half of your soul was missing. Sure, you were really happy that you had made up with Kurapica and the others, but you felt like there was a hole in your chest, a hole that only Kuroro could fill.

“ _You’re nothing without me,_ ” His voice echoed in your mind. “ _You can’t live without me, Y/N._ ”

And, as much as you hated to admit it, he was right. Even if you _did_ have your friends back, they couldn’t fill the hole that he had created. Only Kuroro Lucifer could do that. He created the hole so that only _he_ could fill it.

You stood outside the hotel room door, breathing deeply before pushing it open. You prayed to every deity you could think of that Kuroro wouldn’t be there, but the gods were never really on your side.

Kuroro sat in the white chair, one leg crossed over the other and a thick book resting on his lap. One hand grasped the top corner of the book, while the other was formed into a loose fist held against his cheek.

You felt a small pang hit your heart when you realized he wasn’t worried at all. You should have expected as much. Kuroro didn’t actually _care_ about you, after all. You were the pet and he was the child. He’d play with you for a while but, eventually, he’d tire of you and move to a different one.

You _knew_ that, but it still hurt. Was it pathetic for you to wish he loved you as much as you loved him? Was it silly to wish that he loved you at all?

“Did you have fun, Y/N?” His tone was condescending and cold, his attitude proving that he really couldn’t care less. He didn’t even glance at you, his eyes staying glued to the pages within his book.

Your gaze shifted to the side and you shuffled further into the room, sitting on the side of the bed in front of the bathroom; _his_ side of the bed. You fiddled with the bandages on your hand, eyes trained on the floor and shoulders slumped.

Kuroro’s dark orbs shifted from the pages to your slouched form. You really did look pathetic, like a child who had just been scolded by their mother for eating cookies before dinner. His eyes strayed to your bandaged hand and then to the red spot on the carpet by the opposite side of the bed. Finally, his eyes landed on your arm where a small, almost invisible bruise lay. If it was still visible after all this time, how bad had it been when it first happened?

Kuroro closed his book, setting it on the table before getting out of the chair. His feet entered your line of vision, but you didn’t move. You didn’t want to see his disappointed look.

“Y/N,”

No movement.

“ _Y/N_ ,”

A gulp.

“ **Look at me, Y/N**.”

Fidgeting.

Kuroro closed his eyes in exasperation. Why did you have to be so damned difficult? His dark orbs opened and he leaned forward, reaching his hand out to grasp your chin, thus forcing you to meet his gaze. He saw the guilt, the regret, the pain, and the sorrow. He saw it all, but he wasn’t sure what exactly they were aimed at.

He didn’t have to ask where you had been. He could clearly sense the chain-user and his friends on you. Not to mention the fact that you were wearing the tall one’s clothes. Obviously, you had made up and become friends again. So why did you come back to him? Why didn’t you stay there and be happy? He no longer had the power to stop the chain-user. You knew that, didn’t you?

You stared at each other for several minutes. Your eyes were a book for Kuroro, but some of the words were in a different language and it was his job to decipher them. Kuroro’s eyes, however, were devoid of any emotion, like the blank page in the very front of a book, the words written in invisible ink. You knew they were there, but you couldn’t read them at all, no matter how hard you tried.

“You have a lot of nerve, leaving like that.” He spoke softly and his tone wasn’t cold like you had expected it to be. Rather, it was full of curiosity. “You should have at least called me, Y/N. You know better. And being around Hisoka… that’s unforgivable.”

Your eyes widened, hand fisting around your pants. How did he know you were around Hisoka? He was only around for a few minutes, the smell should have been gone. Your eyes hardened and your voice cracked. “Did you… go looking for me?”

His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to the side. “Why would I waste my time?”

“Then how did you know I was with Hisoka?” your voice picked up a bit of confidence, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

Kuroro, of course, chose to ignore the question, returning to his chair and re-opening the book. You were about to protest when your pocket vibrated. Shifting so you could pull it from your pocket, you noticed the little text message icon. The number had been blocked. Blinking in confusion, you opened the message.

✉ _Don’t believe his lies, Y/N-chan~ Kuroro is lying._

Somehow, you just knew who had sent that message. You could hear that strange laugh through the text. You could feel Kuroro’s eyes burning holes into your back. He wanted to know who you were texting and what was being said. You did your best to ignore it, though.

✉ _What are you talkin’ about, Hisoka? & How’d you get my #?_

Seconds later, it buzzed again.

✉ _Oh~? You knew it was me. I feel so special~_

You scoffed, scowling at the buttons as you pushed them.

✉ _Idiot…_

✉ _Leave the room. Answer your phone._

You blinked, staring at the message. A few minutes later, your phone began to ring, the rain themed ringtone echoing softly throughout the silent room. Kuroro’s eyes narrowed as you stood up. It felt as if you could still feel his eyes burning into you, even after you had left the room.

Kuroro was thoroughly irked. Who would be calling you? And what was so important that you had to leave the room to talk about it? He didn’t like secrets being kept from him.

When you reached the end of the hall where the large glass wall stood, you finally hit the answer button, placing it to your ear. “What do you want?”

Hisoka’s creepy, familiar laugh came through seconds later. “ _You’re away from Kuroro, ne?_ ”

“Yes,”

“ _Your dear Kuroro is lying, Y/N-chan~_ ” He chuckled lightly, voice full of amusement. “ _He searched non stop for you. And he got pretty pissed off when he learned that you were with me. Even more when I told him that I had taken you back to your friends!_ ” He laughed loudly this time. Normally, you would have held the phone away at the volume, but you were feeling too shocked.

Your eyes were wide, mind trying to wrap around his words. He couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. Kuroro? **Worried**? About _you_? It was impossible.

“ _Oh~? You don’t believe me?_ ” The smirk was clear through his tone. “ _He didn’t answer you when you asked, ne? Like he’d ever admit to worrying about you~_ ”

“And why should I believe you?”

“ _Because I can see through any lie~ It’s one of my specialties, remember~?_ ”

He did have a point.

“ _Pay closer attention, Y/N-chan~_ ”

“Eh?” you blinked in confusion. Just what was _that_ supposed to mean?

“ _Pay close attention to his reactions when you ask him a question. Subtle eye shifts or finger twitches. Pay close attention to his mouth, too. Take care♥~!_ ” He laughed loudly.

“Oi! Hisoka!” you tried to catch him, but the line had already gone dead.

How the hell were you supposed to notice subtle changes? You never were that great at paying attention and if you tried too hard, he’d know something was up. Kuroro was a master at hiding what he truly felt and thought. No matter what he was feeling, he always managed to keep the same stoic expression.

When you returned to the room, you were met with Kuroro’s cold stare, sending chills down your spine. “It was Hisoka,” you stated.

His eyes narrowed before returning to the book. You didn’t miss how his body tensed at the name. “I didn’t ask,”

You shrugged, watching him closely. Normally, you would look away but you had to pay closer attention to him. “I thought you’d wanna know,”

The fingers holding onto the corner of the page twitched almost invisibly. “You thought wrong,”

Your eyes widened. Hisoka… he was right! _‘God, I’ll never admit that out loud’_. “Alright then,” you murmured nonchalantly, moving to sit on your side of the bed and staring out the balcony doors that lay in front of you. You felt Kuroro’s eyes on you but ignored it; you were beginning to get quite good at that.

Your phone vibrated in your hand and you opened the text message, a smile appearing on your lips as you scanned the words. This caused Kuroro’s glare to intensify and his hold on the book to tighten.

✉ _Did you notice it? He’s angry~_

Oh, how you could hear that damned laugh of his oh so clearly.

* * *


End file.
